The Stigma

“Will they assume I am a psycho?”

“Will they judge me?” …”What if they start thinking low of me?”

“What if my Boss thinks I am too mentally weak?”….”Will I get fired?”

“Will my family and friends understand?”…”Will they put up with me and accept who I am?”

These are few of the everyday thoughts that a person who is suffering from Depression or Anxiety (or any other mental illness) have. The morning starts with “Oh god, not again!”. Then starts the regular day of a depressed person, who by the way, also suffers from accute anxiety. I am going to put my example here as everyone has a different way of dealing with the ‘condition’, as most of the people would call it. And just for everyone’s information, NO two persons go through the same feeling while being depressed. I realised it after I started my therapy and treatment. I have seen a few people around me who have or had depression. Everyone is different. Some got into drug abuse because they were too arrogant to accept the fact the need help and decided themselves that they can help themselves with drugs. There are people who go into a shell and start getting isolated. And then there are these extroverts like me who have no idea what the hell is going on. Well, thanks to this trait I never shied away from talking about my mental illness which is as bad as a physical one. Just because you can not see it, doesn’t mean its not there. But before you jump to the conclusion, let me tell you I also thought of it as a stigma, tabboo and took time to accept it. It was last year, after months of crying for no reason, losing interest in EVERYTHING (including, my favorite thing, reading), losing temper on the smallest things, taking anything and everything ‘personally’, Binge eating, it sudeenly dawned on me that there is something wrong. The sadness isn’t subsiding, the temper is always lost, there is constant irritation. Still in the transition phase of ‘From Denial to Acceptance’. The sudden realisation was dismissed for the nth time because I knew I am stronger than that. I am not ‘weak’!

Then started the panic attacks. Where I would go numb, my ears would start buzzing and there would be a couple of seconds’ blackout along with sudden feeling of cold (also known as cold flashes). It happened once, then the next time it happened was at the metro station. I was talking to my Mum on the phone, was on escalator when it happened. The phone slid from my head and I felt I am going to pass out. Since most of us belong to the self proclaimed Medical Fraternity, I again dismissed it as ‘low blood preassure’. I didn’t talk to anyone about it. I was a bit embarrased, ashamed about it. Then I fought myself thinking low of myself. There was this constant battle. I knew I can’t talk about it to anyone. I was so scared what if my friends start behaving different, what if my partner (who btw, is the biggest support I could ever prayed for) thinks I am an emotional wreck? My Mum has enough of stress, I dont want to add to it. Again, thought dismissed. It took me five panic attacks, a zillion sleepless nights because of back ache, to finally ACCEPT there was something terribly wrong with me. I fixed an appointment with a psychiatrist and started the therapy. Again, the STIGMA. How do I break this news to my family or my partner or my friends? So I took it step by step. First I told the person who I trusted the most, my partner. He listened, understood and told me ‘we’ will get through this and that you are not alone. I was relieved, I was thanking god for he didn’t think of me as a recluse.

It took me months to openly talk about it with family and friends and once I started I didn’t understand why did i hold it all inside me. I am still in recovery, still under treatment, still have low days where I just cry, but I am trying and not hiding it. Just let people know you are going through a bad time, share it with the person you trust, seek help. There is no shame in that. Identify the problem, accept it and look for the solution. Its easier said then done, but you need to take that first baby step towards recovery. I know it’s very very difficult but you have to do it because you owe yourself an awesome life. And that alone should drive everyone for a better life. Rip this thought off that its a bad thing. It is not. And punch those in the nose who tells you to ‘get over it’!

Advertisements

33 thoughts on “The Stigma

  1. The stigma on depression/anxiety is just ridiculous ! Makes me upset! Not everyone is the same and everyone reacts to issues in life differently. Some people are depressed or anxious and you would never know it! I think it’s under-reported and many people do not admit their issues to themselves or others. I hope one day the world can get to a place where these issues are discussed more openly and publicly

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey I went through the same phase but I am totally Recovered .. We just need to Revisit our past , Embrace the hurts/Wounds .. .Accept yourself , Forgive yourself , And Observe what had depression led to .. Nothing … Life Is Amazing .. Believing that we we can overcome Depression 🙂 is the best thing

      Like

      1. This is the best thing I read today 🙂

        Like

    2. can relate to each n every word of yours, i don’t know why but i feel the same everyday

      Like

  2. It is very important to understand from what they are going through in order to help them and this article really touches that aspect. Learnt a lot. I hope everything bodes well for you. Take care.

    Like

  3. Now i get the answer that why m getting weird day by day..
    Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So definitely its time to address it. Go ahead and seek help 🙂

      Like

  4. Reblogged this on PoeticLife and commented:
    The situations that even I’ve faced at some point in my life as well… I couldn’t describe it any better…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. At some point in my life even I’ve faced it and even I couldn’t describe it any better…
    Just know that EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE ALRIGHT… I’m there for you… Earned a follower out of me and reblogged this post as well…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I too went through that Phase of life …

      Like

  6. I’m sorry for what you’ve had to go through, but it seems your journey in breaking stigma is going well. Keep fighting the stigma! I’m glad that you were finally able to open up about your illness with your family. Are you sure about their reactions? Mine still don’t understand even if you tell them what you’re experiencing. Mine just don’t listen even when I talk about it.

    Before I accepted my diagnosis of bipolar disorder I self-medicated with alcohol. I don’t think I did it “arrogantly”, though. I really didn’t know what was going on with me. I lacked insight that anything was happening that wouldn’t finally go away (which it didn’t without proper treatment). Drinking alcohol was something I learned when I was a kid. It was like a type of treatment, in my mind. But of course it’s not a healthy “treatment” and ultimately does more harm than good, but I never thought about using it in a stubborn way. It was just always something I fell back to for relief.

    Like

    1. Hey I went through the same phase but I am totally Recovered .. We just need to Revisit our past , Embrace the hurts/Wounds .. .Accept yourself , Forgive yourself , And Observe what had depression led to .. Nothing … Life Is Amazing .. Believing that we we can overcome Depression 🙂 is the best thing

      Like

  7. It’s really brave of you to come out and speak. I hope things do get better and I am sure they will.

    My best friend is also going through the same condition but I think she is improving and the baby step she took was accepting that there was a problem in the first place. For a couple of months I felt like I was with a stranger who was my best friend, but after I pulled off her mask, I could see clearly how vulnerable she was and what all she had to go through which led to the sudden change in behavior.
    People might act differently due to their problem but I guess we should be patient with them and let them know that we are there no matter what.

    Feels good that people are coming out of their closet.

    Nature Bless You.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. maudlinwanderess April 19, 2017 — 5:15 am

    It’s like you’re telling my story 😅😅

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hi, I came across your blog by chance when someone shared it in Facebook and I am infinitely grateful that I went through your blog. At one point I used to feel too much and now I feel almost nothing. This mask, this acting is absolutely exhausting. I have burned bridges with more people over the years and I don’t regret any of them. In my family, my parents cannot get too involved with my mental problems because they are fighting their own demons. My husband is extremely supportive but he somewhat lacks the emotional depth I crave so much, baring some exceptional instances. You are absolutely right about people expecting you to be happy and kick the problem in the out. Its utterly exhausting to explain things to him. Sorry, I couldn’t be of any help, but the outlet I got here to express a little is really helpful. All my love to you. Fight on. Don’t give up. Don’t let the fight go like i have. Love, live long and prosper.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. This is so well written. I’ve been there. I’ve experienced it. Not the combination of anxiety and depression. Just depression. So I can somewhat relate with what you have written and experienced. I still am battling it. The most insensitive and stupid thing that someone has told me, “You’re just sad. Stop being sad and you’ll feel better.” All I could do is smile at their ignorance and the lack of understanding something or someone.
    Yes, it is very difficult. Impossible it may seem. Yes. But, speaking up about it is a very brave step on your part. And with the same bravery, you will kick the ass of both depression and anxiety.
    I sincerely hope that you get out of this real soon.
    All the best and cheers!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey I went through the same phase but I am totally Recovered .. We just need to Revisit our past , Embrace the hurts/Wounds .. .Accept yourself , Forgive yourself , And Observe what had depression led to .. Nothing … Life Is Amazing .. Believing that we we can overcome Depression 🙂 is the best thing

      Like

  11. Nyc one karan….n I hope u r better…..😊

    Like

  12. simransharma001 April 20, 2017 — 2:25 pm

    Well expressed. This blog is exactly the reason why I have joined WordPress. I have been on medication for anxiety since 4 days and this blog hit my heart. Thankyou for writing this.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Just try to Listen to your thoughts don’t judge them but answer Them .. That’s how we regain ourselves back 🙂

      Like

    2. You are welcome and get well soon 🙂

      Like

  13. Hey .. I can totally Relate to your condition .. i went through the same ! But i Helped myself out of this All Emotional Clutches But Accepting my Past And Giving my Thoughts a chance to be heard … We just need to connect to our inner-self ..

    Like

  14. Perfectly explained. Also, I am battling this shit and it is just so damn hard to deal with. I am all-in for seeking help but what does one seek help for when I don’t know the cause of it?

    Like

    1. Seek professional help. See a psychologist or a psychiatrist and trust their treatment. It requires a lot of patience and faith. But it works wonders. Trust me.

      Like

  15. Heyy Does anyone know about good psychiatrists in rajasthan or in mumbai or gujrat … I am going through a lot too for around 3 months …our symptoms are more or less similar ones but seriously thanks a lot to you and all the others who have written on depression ..after reading your blog i have made up my mind to consult doctor. I never thought that it could be depression which i am suffering from. I thought these are just bad times.

    Actually i have searched for good psychiatrists online but the reviews given by different patients vary a lot. I just dont know where to go. I cant talk about it in my family or with anyone. If anyone here knows about someone to consult to, please share!

    Like

  16. I completely agree with you.

    I remember the time that I was Depressed and I chose one of the paths that led away from acceptance and toward destruction. It took some major train wrecks for me to accept that something was wrong with me. That’s when I chose to do a course on NLP and that totally transformed me. Even just the beginner course, because I’m a quick study and a bit lethargic!

    Maybe it’s because of that abrupt end to evolving or maybe because I just seemingly distracted myself, I still slip into bouts of deeply numbing sadness without cause or trigger. I find it hard to accept it, though I do talk it out with my mum. I find myself to be too strong, too smart, to give in to these ‘excuses’ that I shouldn’t have to make. Why should I be sad? Or angry? Or even irritated?
    My partner is an expert at psychology and he helps, at times. Though I find my continuous loop every few months sets him on edge as well.

    The solution I’m exploring now is just sharing with strangers. Let’s hope it works!

    Like

    1. If you have started exploring, that means you are looking for ways to get better. This in itself is a progress. Seek help, please. 🙂

      Like

  17. Thanks for this post. I am also battling with depression and anxiety, but the reasons differs entirely. Also, am an introvert, doesn’t like to talk about this to anybody, even if I do, I get the same reply from everyone, “Its just a phase” “I had it too. It will be fine soon” “Get over it” “You are imaging stuffs. you are not depressed” “You think a lot”. Every person I faced said the same thing again and again. I was tired. I stopped talking about it. I wanted to understand and manage it myself. SAD THING, no one beside me. At least, you have your partner beside you. I didn’t even get a friend to lean on. When I start a conversation about my illness with my family for a psychiatric therapy, the first thing they say is, “You are fine. You don’t need a therapy or a psychiatrist”. It definitely hurts and I am smiling when I type this because I feel fine that I am not the only one facing this pain inside but there is also someone outside who can UNDERSTAND me. Sorry, that I took your time on my comment. I had many things that I can relate your story. Thanks again. All the best for your recovery! 🙂

    Like

    1. First, never be sorry for who you are. I am happy to help. You are a rockstar and it takes courage to open about it. So remember that always. Second, I am sorry that your friends don’t understand it maybe because they don’t know what exactly it is. Most of the people don’t. But before making them understand, you gotta gear up and take matters in your hands. See a doctor, follow the therapy if advised. You can do it and you will do wonders. Trust me 🙂

      Like

    2. Also, thank you for the kind words and wishes 🙂

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close